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Tangled (2010)

I remember there was a lot of hesitation and disappointment after Disney finally decided to fully transition into 3D animation, but... Tangled is awesome.

A lot of my favourites are here. Rapunzel’s my favourite Disney Princess, Eugene is most likely my favourite Disney Prince, “I’ve got a Dream” is my favourite dream-related Disney musical number. If you can manage that, well, you’ve got everything you’re looking for in a Disney Princess film!

Tangled is the new default as far as I’m concerned, it only took 73 years but you’ve finally dethroned Snow White. It’s sheer joyful energy from start to finish, outside of maybe just that one scene where Eugene is dying, goddamn it, fine, you could use a little sad in your happy juice!

Tangled is just a really sunny, joyful, and simple movie. It’s so much fun and so good to have around, and re-watching it always makes me happy. It’s the Disney Princess comfort film that a lot of the older ones were unfortunately too dull to achieve. Tangled is the new default, it’s the good fucking food.

The Little Mermaid (1989)

Remember what I said about “the new default”? I’m just now realizing there’s a bit of pattern here. I mean, if the movie managed to save the Disney company from total extinction, you’re probably doing something right.

The Little Mermaid is almost everything you could want from a cartoon movie. It’s charming, it’s fun, it’s soft, it’s sad, and it’s even got a character inspired by a Drag Queen.

I like Ariel because she just gives absolutely no fucks whatsoever. She wants to explore the surface to satisfy a thirst for knowledge, and gosh darn it, she’s not gonna let anybody else tell her otherwise. She’s also just pure joy and enthusiasm the moment she breaks free to the surface.

I believe that this weird, prevailing attitude that Ariel is just some kind of reckless moron who doesn’t learn, is an extremely faulty one. It’s Triton’s abuse is what drives the entire latter half of the film, this is not Ariel’s fault. And if somebody takes advantage of a teenager trying to escape from an abusive father, then that teenager is not the one to blame here.

Okay, whatever. Overall, The Little Mermaid has definitely held up. The only thing that could possibly bring it down is it’s Kingdom Hearts level is genuinely lame and ultra cringe. But I could watch this movie again and again!

Cinderella (1950)

Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time (2007)

Cinderella is where Disney grew it’s beard as far as I’m concerned. As revolutionary as the original princess trio were at the time, and you gotta respect it for that, I still feel that Cinderella is the one that’s aged the strongest.

Over the decades, it seems that there’s been a lot of claims that Cinderella is the epitome of everything wrong with old school Disney, and that Cinderella is just waiting around for her happily ever after. And... no, this is wrong. You’re just fucking wrong.

The thing is, she’s not just waiting around, she’s suffering from some pretty horrible abuse at the hands of her step-mother. And she doesn’t even want a happily ever after, she just wants one nice night to herself. Because... hell, she works her ass off, she deserves it!

It says something about you if you think compassion is unrealistic. She doesn’t just get things handed to her, people show her compassion while she’s in a tough spot.

What ultimately bumps Cinderella up a notch is it’s sequel, no not that one, the third one specifically, which is where hilarity ensues. I wouldn’t say it fixes Cinderella necessarily because I don’t think it actually needed fixing, the only interest this movie has is having fun, and that it would just be cool.

You could make a compelling case for Cinderella 3 of all things, for being the best Disney film ever fucking made. Because are there Disney films with better writing? Yes. Are there films with better themes? Absolutely.

But none of that compares to the sheer, unbridled joy I experienced while watching this movie. I had so much straight up fun and laughed until my sides hurt on many occasions. And not a lot of animated movies can do that, especially these days.

Cinderella 3 does have an abuse victim getting out of that cycle, and the stakes are kept personal so forgiveness at the end is a lot more meaningful, especially when she makes things right. It’s something that so many cartoons the decades following failed to achieve. And a part of what makes it as impactful as it is, is the fact that the movie is still such a laugh riot from start to finish.

The thing is, okay, aren’t you tired? Because I for one, am so fucking tired of not being able to enjoy something without constantly worrying that it’s gonna vanish up it’s own ass. I’m begging, please relearn what having fun means, it’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Moana (2016)

This movie feels like if they took some of the worst films Disney has had to offer, like Pocahontas and Atlantis, and you know what, let’s do the opposite. It has a lot of similar story beats and elements of both films, like Atlantis’s whole restoring a culture undercurrents, but it’s the culture being restored from within this time.

I found the dynamic between Moana and Maui to be a lot more interesting. The majority is centred around the two of them in a vast ocean where there’s nothing as far as the eye can see. It’s very anti-world building in that regard, where everything is forced to centre back to the pressure put on Moana to save the world and her desire to restore her people’s culture – and Maui’s desperate need for validation that becomes so all-encompassing that he horribly wrongs another in order to get it.

And I found both of those stories compelling, even if they were told in a relatively straight-forward manner. It’s just so damn good, and it would’ve been the last great Disney film if it weren’t for...

Enchanto (2021)

It’s interesting how this was released in the same year alongside “Raya and the Last Dragon” because I feel like we got a taste of the worst Millennial storytelling has to offer, as well as the absolute best. Because Enchanto is a goddamn fucking miracle.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that Enchanto is among the best animated films I have ever fucking seen, and is certainly the best movie Disney has ever fucking made. If this is the film they’re gonna go out on, they certainly went out with a bang. I’m satisfied, we can stop here, you fucking did it.

It’s a story about trauma, dysfunctional families, and the plague on human relationships that is the refusal to communicate. I did not say miscommunication, that’s an important specification.

It’s clear that this was a film made by people who’ve read a fucking book. It doesn’t really have a world to explore, it doesn’t have an actual main villain, and the entire story simply revolves around the family dynamic and the two main characters Alma and Mirabel.

Encanto is just beautiful, absolutely amazing and one of my all time favourite movies, and is even one of the best films of all time. It’s everything I could ask for in an animated film, it is fucking perfect.